Friday, July 29, 2011


I keep trying to wrap my mind around the impending event. Motherhood.

Somehow, labor isn't intimidating. Not by comparison.

I have my Bradley Method instructor on stand by any time I have a question about labor.
I've got books and books about managing labor.
I've also got the best CNMs on the planet to assist me during my labor.
Of course my husband who will be coaching me through it all.
And ultimately I know that labor will go how it goes and it won't really matter because the end result will be meeting my baby girl.

My mindset so far has been that pregnancy has an end and that end is labor.
Once labor begins there are measured beginning and ends. Each stages comes and then eventually goes. It is measurable and confined.

The element of this that I can't quite wrap my brain around yet is that motherhood begins and then never ends.  I will always be a mom. More importantly, I will always be HER mom.
The way my silly mind is trying to process it now is a little strange.
I catch myself thinking of Amelia as this houseguest that we are preparing for,
and she just happens to be an infant.
I imagine her arriving with all her tiny luggage and the *stuff* that babies need. (Boy oh boy they need stuff) In my mind's eye I see her getting settled in her room but she's kinda living out of a suitcase and only puts her toiletries in the bathroom while using them, then they go back in the zipper bag she brought them in. She'll probably need to be entertained and so we'll make awkward small talk over tea.  Then, once she's overstayed her welcome, I picture her leaving to go stay with some other nice folks who just finished being pregnant too.

We have hosted many out of town friends in the room which is SLOWLY becoming her nursery. Maybe on some level her being in the guest room has something to do with it. Maybe not.

It just feels like I've been waiting for pregancy to end so that everything will go back to normal. But it won't. I am about to learn what my new normal is.
I will never go back. Moving forward is the only option. Because I will be a mom and that was never my old normal. But it will be for the rest of my days.

Now, don't get my words twisted and think for a second that I'm saying all this to complain about a life sentence as mommy. I'm more excited about it than words can express. Truly, I'm blessed already by this little girl.

I just don't know how to BE a mom.
I know what moms do.
I know what moms say.
What they look like and what they buy
How they wipe your face and suggest a sweater,
How they hug you tight and how they make lunches.

I just don't yet know how motherhood will change me.
Motherhood will be a new facet of my ever-changing identity.
It's all so daunting to be Amelia's mom.
I know it will be great.
I know I will love my little houseguest. For now that's all that matters.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Okay, let's play 'ketchup'!!

I've been really slacking on keeping this thing updated. Here goes...

I'm now 32 weeks pregnant. That means 8 more weeks till the due date. I don't know how many months I am because I'm still so confused on how to count it. When I say 8 weeks people respond "Oh two more months!" but when I say I'm due Sept. 18th I get a reaction more like "A little over a month and a half!"

Either way you count it I've got only a little while longer till I'm face to face with the tiny person I've been carrying all this time.

We've started our Bradley Method Childbirth Classes. Its a 12 week course...the 12th week is 2 days post our due date. Hopefully she takes after me and arrives late. :)

Speaking of the Bradley Method, I love love love our class.  The instructor is so warm and helpful and I truly believe her when she says we can call at any hour and she'll be there for us. Its so nice to be supported in that way.

Okay so lightening round-->
Last appointment stats are as follows:
31 weeks 3 days
Amelia's heartrate: 144 bbm
Amelia's position: head down YAY
Amy's weight gain: 30 lbs. eeek.
Amy's blood pressure: 120/70
Amy's fundal height: 32 cm

My homework from last appointment is:

  • Purchase and pack the back for birth. --I gotta post the list for ya'll. Its way funny.
  • Install the car seat base
  • Contact potential pediatricians and select one
  • Walk more
  • Come back every 2 weeks from now on
Items worth mentioning--
July vacation with my family went very well with very minor swelling on the drive back.  While staying in Balsam, North Carolina; My dad and brother both felt Amelia moving for the first time. Woohoo! I got lots of exercise and amazed myself and everyone else with how much I could really do even while pregnant.  I will post a slide show of pictures from the trip when I have spare time. IF I ever get any. ;)

Also noteworthy is the puchase of a new car. Well, you know, new to us. James sold his Miata to my brother who is loving the sportscar lifestyle. James returned to the used car lot where he had found the Miata and got a steal of a deal on the most perfect 95 Accord with crazy low miles on it (like 46,000) I just can't wait to see a carseat in our Accord. Better yet, I look forward to putting our daughter in that carseat in the back of our Accord!! :) 

At the risk of this post being WAY to long, I'll mention two more things. 

Today my feet got truly swollen for the first time. After a 5+ hour marathon of "thank you"-note-writing  (...from our wedding. We're backlogged. I'm ashamed) with my mother, I stood up to see sausages at the ends of my feet. I swear, these puppies looked like two catchers mitts. I nearly cried. I've never been so swollen in my life. I'm starting to get over it now, but I'm still not ready to laugh about this one. :/  

I saved this one for the end so that I can leave on a positive note-- My mother found a bassinet in her weekly garagesale venture.  I can sleep a little easier knowing that even if we're totally broke, utterly clueless, and otherwise unprepared by the time Amelia arrives, we will have some place to put her and she will have somewhere to rest her tiny head.